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3:28 p.m. - 2008-01-05
Bloodline.
Well, a week of 2008 has already just about passed on by and taken all New Year resolutions with it. Twinkles resolved to go to bed earlier, to rise earlier and to do so without complaint, he also resolved to drink less, to eat more healthily and to be less competitive and quarrelsome. So far all have predictably crashed and burned, the first resolve, the one to go bed earlier, vanished without trace along with the one to drink less and be less quarrelsome and competitive when I suggested it was time to think about leaving the PP New Year party and head for home. Not frigging likely, it was barely two o clock in the morning, no one, least of all Miss Stardust left a party, especially a New Year party before half past three at the earliest. He then thrust his glass at me and royally bade me refill it with champagne while he showed that incompetent cock in a frock Natalie how to really get a conga line going.

I�m having a cup of coffee. I�ve got the phone off the hook, my messenger disabled and my mobile on mute, I simply cannot take another call from my own little inquisitor who keeps demanding to know what I�m up to and how far I�m progressing with things for this evenings party, am I following the list of instructions he left, etc.

I�m aware that I haven�t written much about Twinkles� sister. The fact is that I�m in a very difficult position when it comes to Caroline whom I personally dislike and deeply distrust. It seemed clear from the start, to me anyway, that she wasn�t really interested in getting to know, understand or appreciate her brother; she was simply interested in finding a new source of income. She and her older sister had never been expected to make a career for themselves, they did what mummy did and jumped through their rich grandfather�s hoops attending to his paperwork, chairing committees etc and doing charity things receiving a generous stipend from him until a suitable male turned up to marry them. Only grandfather didn�t deem the male that came sniffing around Caroline to be suitable at all and when he discovered that she was still seeing him behind his back he promptly cut off her allowance. The second time she met up with Twinks she asked to borrow some money, five hundred pounds so she could join her boyfriend on holiday. Twinkles was upset, it wasn�t what he expected. I was pleased when he chose to discuss the matter with me before making any kind of decision. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, lend her the money and believe her promise that she would pay it back ASAP. I reluctantly agreed and he lent her the cash. So far she�s paid back roughly half of the money, but seeing as she�s always lending dribs and drabs here and there that she doesn�t pay back then I�m not so sure that she�s actually honouring the debt at all. He and I have had numerous discussions about his sister and he clearly knows my feelings with regard to her, I can�t pretend to like her, we also have an agreement that he doesn�t lend her any more large sums of money, and certainly not without consultation with me first. We had a heated discussion about what constituted a �large� amount with him arguing for a hundred pounds and me for fifty. I had the final say. She strikes me as being manipulative and I think Twinkles is slightly intimidated by her, contact with her invariably leaves him quiet and withdrawn for a while afterwards. The thing I�d like to do on a gut level, but which I cannot do is to rule and say that he can�t have any contact with her at all. I hate seeing him hurt and I want to protect him, but I have no moral right whatsoever to prevent him seeing a member of his family, and even if I did have the right I wouldn�t use it because he and only he can make that kind of choice. I can tell him that she uses him as a source of interest free income, but he has to not only come to that realisation for himself, and accept it, but also want to decide to do something about it himself. Maybe paying for a sister is better than having no sister at all? Twinkles has ached for so long for some kind of connection to his family, but this isn�t it and it doesn�t make him happy, it hasn�t brought him what he imagined it would bring, but it�s still a connection to that innate part of him that desperately needs validation from the people with whom he shares a bloodline. He�s still, I strongly believe, hoping against hope that somehow this contact will lead on to some kind of reconciliation, some bond with the cold mother who bore him, and I really can�t see that happening though I would sell my soul if I thought there was the slightest chance that I could make it happen for him. You know, Caroline didn�t send Twinkles a birthday card, she hadn�t even realised it was his birthday she said, it was never ever mentioned at home (she might as well have slapped his face) nor did she send a Christmas card or buy him a gift, which hurt him deeply especially as he did both for her and was excited about doing so. If you�d seen the care with which he chose both card and gift and the care with which he worded the messages on them, and he got nothing back and that to me kind of summarised his whole relationship with his family, and it made me want to weep.

Oh well, I�ve had my interlude and drunk my coffee so I�d better hop to it and reconnect myself to the outside world before Twinkles calls the police to come round and check up on me.


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